Courage is not the absence of fear

This lockdown has been a bit of a bumpy ride. I suppose I should rather say life has been a bit of a bumpy ride over the last few months. Emotions are a bit heightened, experiences intensified. As we move through these different levels of having our freedom revoked the importance of things seems to be highlighted. Some days just seem amazing. Like you can literally take over the world (from behind your computer screen of course). Other days you can not face getting out of bed. This is why this phrase, ‘Courage is not the absence of fear’ has gotten so much more meaning for me.

It is also part of a very famous quote by a great man that lies very close to my heart.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Today things are rough. The children are not listening. It took my daughter 2 hours this morning to get dressed, brush her hair and make her bed. We’ve been working on improper fractions now for over an hour and she ‘doesn’t get it’! How can she not get it?? I’ve taught children with learning difficulties…. they listened to me and understood.

These days happen. More often than I’d like to admit. I need to breathe through them. I just struggle so much to think in all this mental noise sometimes.

There is all the confusion (I think at times deliberate) on what is happening around us. You can go out, you shouldn’t go out. You should wear a mask, you shouldn’t wear a mask. Schools are starting for some, then schools are not starting yet.

Now there is unnecessary violence and segregation happening in the name of unity.

Time to Find Courage

I had a bit of a turning point.

It was a couple of weeks ago. We were watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian on a Friday night. I cried. It was spontaneous and unexpected. Not because someone died or lost something. It was at the beginning of the movie.

I cried when they got transported from a London tube station to this magnificent, isolated beach. They kicked their shoes off and ran freely into the water. I wanted to be there. To be free and careless. I wanted to be them and I knew I couldn’t.

All of a sudden I felt trapped in this reality that I don’t want to be in. A reality where I can’t invite my friends over for dinner or plan a visit (however impossible it might be) to see my friends and family thousands of miles away.

A reality where I feel other people’s pain and frustration and constantly try and find the positives in a world where everything is controlled and makes no bloody sense. Where people treat you with disdain because they fear human contact. Money and possibilities seem limited. Where logical, intelligent and analytical people accept ridiculous rules and put their salvation in the hands of a system that doesn’t have their well-being in mind.

Reality sucked right then and I felt tired of it

I am still tired of trying to understand and consume information that is contradictory and non-sensical. I’m tired of this dimension… take me to a secluded beach and show me compassion!
Don’t get me wrong. There are so many aspects to this that I love.

• I don’t have to rush off somewhere 3 times a day
• I get to spend time and to know my family members again
• No school runs and senseless standing around in the school grounds affirming the fact that I’m such an outsider in a close-knit community
• I am able to attend all the networking events I always seem to miss out on because I live in rural Derbyshire
• Collaborations with some amazing people
• Discovering all these amazing people — I mean, I never knew about Dorian Yates, Erica Derrickson or many of my newest discoveries.

I love the possibilities this change in mindset potentially has. However, I’m so saddened by the fact we have to look for the positives so much.

Finding out first hand that courage is not the absence of fear

Probably one of my favourite things in this current situation is that I can choose who I spend my energy and time on. The world has opened up and there is so much good in it. So many interesting people and topics once you choose who and what you surround yourself with.

Last week the topic of the week seemed to be resilience. I got to be part of a TED Circle where the topic of discussion was based on this amazing talk by a South African psychologist, Susan David. The topic? The gift and power of emotional courage.7

One of my favourite points she makes quite early on in this video is:

Rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic.

Susan David

I cannot stand injustice and that is why current world situations can be completely overwhelming to me. The injustice of children growing up in a society where they are taught about distancing as a safety measure. Where people are burning and looting in the name of acceptance. Concepts that just don’t go together and never should.

Now more than ever it should be clear that we have choices. Therefore don’t tell me you don’t want things to go back to the way they were, show me that you choose how you want things to be. I can not change what you do or how you approach life, but I do hope through people that show the way of love, we all get to choose a better way forward.

“Have the courage to act instead of react.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes

As the Zulu greeting ‘Sawubona’ says… ‘I see you’, let’s answer with ‘Ngikhona’ — ‘I am here’ and mean it.

Why not see the opportunity in these times.

First published on Instinctive Living on 10 June 2020